Like Everything Else....

I don't know what's up with me lately. I've been forgetting or choosing to forget things. Things that I should be doing. Things that I know the old me would have no problem doing. The old me. What does it even mean? I’ve doubted myself a lot these days. First, it started in choir. I felt like my voice was leaving me…forever leaving me without even saying goodbye. Singing has another meaning to me. The fun in it has also left me. It’s not the same anymore for some reason. That was the moment when I didn’t sing as loud as I did…when I couldn’t sing as loud as I can. Then it became the same with my grades. I went from having straight A’s…to having almost straight C’s. Oh how I’ve changed. I find myself realizing that the more attached I am to my friends; the more I became less attached to my academics. I hate it. I can’t balance the two. I need to though. Oh God…please…I need to have the strength to do that. I know my parents only want the best for me but they are making my life like damned mortal trapped in the realms of Hades. I’m trying to find ways of escaping everything right now. But I can feel my options of escape getting smaller and smaller. I don’t want to lose everything I have. I’m on the verge of losing everything.- everything that makes me genuinely happy. Not the things that make me laugh for the time being; it’s the things that even when everything else goes wrong, make me smile at the end of the day when I drift to sleep and dream about it. I’m tired…I’m reaching the point in my life where I’m ready to break.
One of the people that holds me up right now is him…my Mr. Marbles; however, like everything else, I can feel him slip away…completely evaporate…and vanish from my life forever…like everything else. I love him. I don’t want to lose him. I told myself I wouldn’t fall for somebody this hard or be this involved because of what has happened to me in the past…the universe just loves proving me wrong.