Like Everything Else....

I don't know what's up with me lately. I've been forgetting or choosing to forget things. Things that I should be doing. Things that I know the old me would have no problem doing. The old me. What does it even mean? I’ve doubted myself a lot these days. First, it started in choir. I felt like my voice was leaving me…forever leaving me without even saying goodbye. Singing has another meaning to me. The fun in it has also left me. It’s not the same anymore for some reason. That was the moment when I didn’t sing as loud as I did…when I couldn’t sing as loud as I can. Then it became the same with my grades. I went from having straight A’s…to having almost straight C’s. Oh how I’ve changed. I find myself realizing that the more attached I am to my friends; the more I became less attached to my academics. I hate it. I can’t balance the two. I need to though. Oh God…please…I need to have the strength to do that. I know my parents only want the best for me but they are making my life like damned mortal trapped in the realms of Hades. I’m trying to find ways of escaping everything right now. But I can feel my options of escape getting smaller and smaller. I don’t want to lose everything I have. I’m on the verge of losing everything.- everything that makes me genuinely happy. Not the things that make me laugh for the time being; it’s the things that even when everything else goes wrong, make me smile at the end of the day when I drift to sleep and dream about it. I’m tired…I’m reaching the point in my life where I’m ready to break.
One of the people that holds me up right now is him…my Mr. Marbles; however, like everything else, I can feel him slip away…completely evaporate…and vanish from my life forever…like everything else. I love him. I don’t want to lose him. I told myself I wouldn’t fall for somebody this hard or be this involved because of what has happened to me in the past…the universe just loves proving me wrong.

It's Been Far Too Long

Geez. My last blog was like 2 years ago! That is so crazy. I was reading all of it and it made me realize that I kind of changed. I'm barely the girl who spends every minute of her life doing homework or blogging about her boring life. I admit that sometimes or for the most part my life is a little blah. But right now, I'm actually happy. The only reason why I'm blogging is because this is the only site where nobody knows me. I can write whatever I want and nto get criticized the next day of how inconsiderate I am in my blogs. My boyfriend specifically attacked me because I called me a narcicistic motherfucker. Yeah, it's a bit harsh but I was hella mad. Anyways, I'm blogging right now because I'm hella stressed.

I am somewhat lazy to type so I'll continue this some other time.

I don't think anybody is reading my blog. But oh well!

feeling something

I haven't felt this way for a while. I'm serious. The guy I actually sort of like notices me. Well, he noticed me way before I realized I felt something for him. Maybe a tiny crush or a huge like like him. He makes me laugh and that's what I really like. And he says I'm the first freshman to recieve a kiss from him . Ok ok. It was stage kiss where you pretend to kiss someone but you actually kiss your hand. But still. He made me (and he still does) feel special. He also held my hand. When we bowed. Hahahahah. How foolish of me. But before that he was standing somewhere else and then he stood next to me just to hold my hand wich were by the way, sort of sweating because I was freakin' nervous. Curse my genes! He made an excuse that he should stand next to me. But how cares you know? i hope this one would go somewhere. And I have a chance too! Because the two of us are in the musical. He has a major role and I got ensemble. I'm still a freshman, so i knew I got no chance to be the leading lady. All I care is to be able to perform, meet new people, and possibly get to know "him" more. I won't type in his name here. Hey! A girl wants to express some thoughts here but there are boundaries and privacies to be considered. So here begins my new found love interest and I am loving it....<3

happy sad day

I have so much things to thank God for. First of all, the fact that I made to my school's callbacks for the play Little Shop of Horrors is awesome. Second, that i actually made to the cast. Yeah, I know I should be ecstatic. But my part....im not really happy about. I tried my best and the fact that I made to the ensemble goves the idea that I'm not good enough. Yes, I do sound bratty huh? But people just don't get me. If you have parents who wants you to have a 4.0 GPA and be the perfect all the time- with social graces, friends, decison making, you'd go nuts and eventually you become a perfectionist. Like the freak that I am. It's hard to get disappointed and never tell anyone about it because well, I don't. I just write it all out. In this case, typing. The worst part is the director said that he adored my acting and singing. Why do I think that way? Because people who get the smallest part gets the most compliments there is from the director. It's totally true. I've been in drama for a long time and it actually happens. I know. I'm still a freshman. But it's so frustrating! I know there is a reason for this but I can't feeling sorry for Layla......................wait! That's me!!!!!! I've been the most responsible person, the person you can fully count on, and then I have to this sad which of course affects EVERYTHING! I just wish for once....something would go my way....

what am i writing?

Essay. Check. Poster Project. Check. Room. Check. Overcome the extreme boredom of my poor unfortunate soul? Yeah, not so.

I sit here in typing unsure of what I'm doing. I'm somehow fantasized of being with someone. Seeing as I don't have a date to the dance (I'm such a loser! I know!). Everyday has been the same day over and over and over.

Morning. Wake up. Brush teeth. Dress. Run a mile. Do weights. Eat oatmeal. Watch TV. Read. Check email. Eat. Wash dishes. Read or watch TV. Sleep.

My life pretty much sucks the way it it. I want excitement in my life. Would it hurt for my day to be different? An adventure to come right in front of me and say "Hi, Danica! Come and explore the world with me"? I guess it does. 'Cause I've been waking up and sleeping the same boring old person I was...never to feel the breeze of excitement in life.

Why is my life so boring? I can' bear some people get to do what I want to do while I sit here pouring myself out on this blog that know would probably ever read.

I close my eyes. Trying to relax. I can hear myself typing (talent I have due to my dedication to my typing class). I pray that something would happen. Thump thump. I open my eyes.

Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just a mouse.

I should probably start a new hobby. This is getting ridiculous................................

a night of uplifting

So many things happen to us that leaves us far in our relationship with God. I t cannot be helped. But some of us, got too far. Like the way you just look at things. The bible...church...family...and yourself. Yes, I admit to my mistakes. Times like this hold me down so much that I cannot bear it.

Especially home...............but where is home?

I have gone across the seas and don't know where my home lies. It could be the ever faithful bed that holds me...no disappointments. This house could be it but I'm here typing hearing the echo of my typing. It feels empty, the house. No cars passing by. No kids playing. No laughter. No familiar faces that I so long to see.

The answer of course is simple. My home lies in through the deadly waters of the Pacific Into the harsh weather of 701 or so islands. Then there lay the island shaped like a sock. Funny yet I lone for this island...my home. Where laughs lingered in my ears. Where tears were shed...and I bet still did.

If anybody reads this. Hear me out. All of us long for something we want...we desire. But the only solution to this is hold on the fate that you have now. It is one the many works of our Lord and Savior. His plans are better than ours. Let it be. If u strive to what your goal in life is, God will give it to you...in time.

What I wrote above is merely one of my many desires. Yes, I will be upset and write depressing stuff here but it is my way of dealing with it. I know that God will never abandon me. He has proven it. Over and over and over, I ignored his messages and signs. Now, with the worship at IVVC(church of my friends), it is time for to do what God wants me to do...not just try to do so. Trying makes the person you are now. Doing makes the man or the woman that you will be from here and on. My thanks for the words of one of my advisers.=)

We need to trust in God. If everyone would turn their back to you, who will be the one you will depend on? It is God and only Him. Trust me on this. Better yet.....trust in Him.